Do you understand your emotional body?

When I was in my mid 40’s I got married. My husband and I decided to try and have a baby, but we were unsuccessful.

My friend Donna suggested we meet with a fertility doctor, so we did, and got all of the various testing done.

At that time, they discovered that I was indeed still fertile in my 40’s, but had a small walnut-sized fibroid on the front external side of my uterus. The doctor told me that it was NOT interfering with my ability to get pregnant but wanted to surgically remove it anyway.

Cutting into the body, unless it’s an emergency, is not the world I choose to live in, so I opted out of that recommended surgical procedure.

As it turned out, my husband’s sperm had no motility. So, we wouldn’t have been able to conceive anyway.

I cried for about a year, sad, that I wouldn’t be able to birth my own children in this lifetime. I even contemplated having an affair to get pregnant.

The drive to procreate is strong!

But, stepping out on my partner and destroying our trust and emotional bond, wouldn’t have served anyone.

So, I released the idea of birthing children in this lifetime and continued my journey.

As the years progressed, my fibroid grew a little bit bigger each year. Since it was on the outside front of my uterine wall, I could feel it when I lay down on the floor. It kind of popped up like a little mound.

After I went through menopause, the fibroid remained. Sometimes it was the size of a walnut, and sometimes the size of a navel orange. It fluctuated in size but I still had no desire to surgically remove it.

I tried a “fibroid” diet, then a keto type of diet, but nothing seemed to shift this stubborn little fibroid.

Until, I attended a Dr. Joe Dispenza Weeklong Advanced meditation retreat.

I’m a big fan of meditation, and I’ve been actively incorporating it into my life since 1996 – both on my own and occasionally in small groups.

But, this meditation experience was very different. It was a very large group of people – 1900! And, it wasn’t inside an Ashram or at a yoga retreat with incense burning, sitting in total silence –  it was in a large hotel conference room.

And, we started every morning at 6am with music and dancing, as you can see in this video.


Not very “meditation-like.”

On the first day, I had a couple of mystical experiences. That’s not uncommon for me when I meditate. Universal guidance comes to me in the form of visions and voices, and I am open and receptive to it.

But, on the second day, during the morning meditation while we were lying on the floor focusing on the energy centers (the chakras), negative thoughts about my husband bubbled up to the surface.

There are some differences between my husband and I and the way we approach our days on earth, and it was bothering me.

I noticed a sharp pain in my uterus and reached down, in horror, to discover that my fibroid had almost doubled in size!

Egads!! That’s not supposed to happen. Especially NOT at a healing retreat.

Since naturally healing my thyroid condition over two decades ago, I’m clear that I need to speak my truth (5th chakra) with grace and wisdom, when something comes up for me.

As soon as the meditation finished, I left the conference room and immediately called my husband, in tears.

I expressed to him what I was feeling, and that I thought I may have married the wrong person due to the differences that came up for me during the meditation.

Both my husband and I have really good communication skills, and we had an in-depth heart-felt conversation, without blame and shame, and with love at our core.

He said, “Gimme that Joe Dispenza meditation! There are some things that I want to change about myself and how I’m approaching certain issues in my life.”

Within one hour of that conversation, my fibroid reduced back down to its normal size. About the size of a small navel orange. And, my husband was feeling inspired, too.

It was amazing to see how quickly my emotional body impacted my physical body.

Two days after that experience, we did a pineal gland activation meditation that started at 4am. The pineal glad sits in the center of the brain, and I consider this gland to be the body’s GPS system that helps us navigate this world.

During the meditation, I found myself growing extremely angry at Joe Dispenza for wasting my time with this experience.

My pineal gland was activated many years ago, in 1998. It was a beautiful and unforgettable experience for me.

I didn’t like the way Joe was forcing the pineal gland open for people that attended this retreat.

As the hours ticked by, I grew more incensed that this meditation was taking so long. All I could focus on was my anger at Joe. I called him every name in the book (the expletive book, that is).

By the time the meditation finished, 4 hours and 45 minutes later, my uterus felt like someone had dropped an anvil on top of it! I had so much pain it was incredible.

I reached down and felt that my fibroid had now grown to be the BIGGEST it had ever been since it’s appearance in my body over a decade ago.

It was the size of a baby watermelon, or a cantaloupe. Choose your favorite melon to get the picture. It was HUGE!!!!

At that moment, I realized I wasn’t angry at Joe Dispenza. I was projecting my internal anger onto him – the external target.

I was the one that sat and stewed in anger for hours. I was feeding that fibroid with my emotional body (my hormones).

What happened within my emotional and physical body had nothing to do with Joe Dispenza, it had to do with me.

  • It was my anger.
  • It was my arrogance.
  • It was my impatience.

It was a valuable lesson.

I sat up after the meditation and immediately opened my heart and sent love to Joe and his team for helping me become aware that even though I’ve been meditating and taking exceptional care of myself for over 25 years, I still have some important work to do – on the inside.

Within an hour of that meditation, and my awareness of what I needed to resolve within myself, my fibroid reduced in size again, and it is now smaller than it was before the retreat.

I’ve been teaching about the Emotional and Spiritual Body in my New Healers Master Coaching Program since 2011, and now I have a fun new personal story to share with my students.

Hopefully, it will inspire them to continue their path as wellness practitioners, no matter what they have going on.

Oftentimes, I’ll hear from other health and wellness practitioners that they feel like imposters because they are suffering with some condition they cannot heal.

I believe our conditions and our “dis-eases” are the best teachers.

We are always learning while we are here on this planet, living in our perfectly designed human bodies. Our illnesses and our conditions speak to us and let us know why we may be out of balance.

It’s up to us to make the choices to shift the physical, emotional, and spiritual body into a healthier direction.

Life is good – and it’s even better when you are in a supportive and loving community learning and growing, with other people focused on experiencing a happier life.